Hello Alamo!
This will mostly just be my thoughts regarding community, because I am going out of town for a graduation tomorrow!
The past few posts have highlighted some great, concrete community resources, and if you don’t have a library card or an Otero County Labor Hub card, run, don’t walk. Even with everything going to crap federally, these resources are solid for the time being. Take advantage of them!
Having these free spaces to exist among community are a great step forward for Alamo. I know we’re all struggling, but having access to these material goods will alleviate so much of that, especially if you also take the opportunity to get to know and connect with your neighbors.
One thing I’ve noticed and continue to see in social groups worries me a bit for our collective ability to build and maintain community, and I need to address it. I will try to focus even though it connects directly with so many different things, I promise. But, everyone seems to recoil from the possibility that they need to be accountable to other human beings.
It’s no secret that staunch conformity to individualism is hurting us. I see it showing up in ways that I’m not so sure people are actively aware of.
Personally, I hope I’ve at least kind of convinced you all why we need and have needed solidarity for a long time now. A core belief that our struggles are all linked is what is ultimately going to get us through way beyond the next 4 years. In order to have that kind of solidarity, bare minimum, we need to actually listen to each other.
We need to have curiosity about each other’s lived experiences, otherwise no amount of good intention or desire to help will actually be helpful.
Something that keeps coming up over and over and over again in our society in general is I’m guessing/hoping mostly based in shame. When you mishandle a situation or heard you hurt someone, you do not get to decide you didn’t. Full stop. You talk it out, apologize, try to make amends, and then move forward. I remember this being the basics of human interaction a decade or so ago, but something has shifted.
In my quest to understand how this came about, I’ve hit a few points that may help explain it.
- We are very tied to the idea that we need to be perfect. It’s technically well-meaning, but it can become very toxic very quickly because it’s impossible.
- As much as cancel culture doesn’t actually exist for any of the entertainers complaining about it (and honestly I’d love for us to name the concept something else to stop giving it legitimacy), younger folks especially are very afraid of being canceled, and social media + this kind of individualism mean that fear is not completely unfounded.
- We are very reactive when we have to confront the reality that we are eternally learning, growing, and changing humans, and I suspect that (initially) stems from the absolute lie this country has portrayed outwardly the past couple of centuries: that we should be/are above criticism.
- In reaction to this fallacy, those aware sometimes overdo it to the point that we’re never happy; we have to constantly strive for better. It can be a good thing when it’s actually based on accountability.
- Sometimes we just don’t care, but I highly doubt that fits any of my small audience. If it does, go get a hobby; I don’t want your clicks.
Writing it out like that, I’m realizing it’s basically built-in cognitive dissonance, or the discomfort between opposing ideas that either make you change your action, or your belief. Lately that facade is starting to fall away, but the damage is done. We’ve been lied to, and formed our identities around that lie. Now we need to unlearn it.
Do I have sympathy for people experiencing shame? It depends on the source of it, but of course I do; I used to be one of you a long time ago. Mental health sucks sometimes. But allowing that shame to stop you from engaging in community hurts everyone.
Isolating because you dared be an imperfect human being, and therefore avoiding accountability for the harm you caused isn’t helping. In fact it’s often perpetuating further harm by robbing you of the opportunity for growth AND making sure nothing ever changes for the harmed. We need you. And we really need you to get over your shame for non-shameful reasons.
Salud.
No responses yet